THE SET-UP
An outrageous, washed-up football coach (Andy Dick) leads a small college team to an unlikely finish to the season.
Directed by: Marshall Cook
THE DELIVERY
Most of the Blu-rays and DVDs I review are sent to me by the studios themselves, so you might think that may give me an excuse to be overly generous towards a disc I write about here. In case anyone doubted my objectivity, this review should erase that doubt once and for all. Despite the fact that Image Entertainment took the time and effort to send me the Blu-ray for Division III: Football's Finest, I could not even acknowledge any appreciation for doing so by saying something nice about it. Because then, I would be lying.
Image has managed to send me perhaps one of the worst comedies ever made. Believe me when I tell you, I did not laugh once - NOT ONCE - at any point during this movie. And I will laugh at just about anything. There are limits to how stupid one can be, or so I thought, but this movie tests every limit and stretches the definition of funny. I have never seen a film so devoid of real humor in my life. Screaming, insults, and general stupidity are not funny by nature, but they can convey humor when used correctly. Here, someone forgot to add the humor.
Andy Dick is the lead in this abomination, playing a coach so crazy he once tried to kill the children on a Pee-Wee team he coached. And that is played for laughs. I found Dick funny back on the TV show NewsRadio, but here, he is obnoxious and as unfunny as a hangnail. Oddly, the producers chose to build their film around Dick instead of the other MadTV veterans playing supporting roles (including Will Sasso, Debra Wilson, Mo Collins, and Bryan Callen) here. Even giving them ten minutes more each might have given the film a chance, but given the poor level of screenwriting here, it may not have mattered.
All of the college-themed sports movie cliches are here: the quarterback trying to prove himself, the pre-game party, the lunchroom food fight, and the climatic game with a last-second play. Unfortunately, not one instance is handled with any hint of originality, and director Cook fails to replicate any of the humor of the films he rips off. What would you expect from a film called Division III? It's a terrible name, and will make someone think this was part of a trilogy. Most folks aren't even aware of the term "Division III college," so it won't make any sense.
I cannot even recommend this film on a "so bad it's good" level. The incompetence level of everyone involved is staggering. Director Cook - who also stars as the lead - should never be allowed in front or behind a movie camera again. Ever. He should not even be allowed to post to YouTube, to spare us the pain.
VIDEO AND AUDIO
Image Entertainment always puts out high-quality Blu-rays, and here, the quality of the video and audio is actually very good. Sure, this is a low budget comedy shot on digital video, and noticeably so. We are not talking about Avatar-level detail here, but it is a nice technical presentation. The 5.1 DTS-HD mix basically highlights how good Andy Dick's yelling voice is, which is not something to cheer about.
SPECIAL FEATURES
If there is anything worse than having to watch this film, it is watching this film while listening to an audio commentary by Andy Dick and Marshall Cook tell us a bunch of unnecessary details about it. It is painful.
The other special features include outtakes, which only prove that the cast seemed to have more fun making this film than we do watching it. A number of deleted scenes are included, which seem more like unreahearsed ad-libbing than anything else.
THE BOTTOM LINE: BUY IT OR REDBOX IT?
Ratings
Movie: F
Video: B+
Audio: B-
Extras: B-
Overall grade: C+
Giving this Blu-ray a C+ is being generous, but I cannot blame Image for the film content. They gave this terrible movie a decent technical presentation and more extras than a lot of discs often get. However, this movie is like a cinematic papercut, an annoying, painful experience. Do not be suckered in; avoid it at all costs.
BLU-RAY SPECS
Release Date: January 17, 2012
Running time: 97 minutes
Rating: R
Aspect Ratio: 1.78:1
Audio: DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1
Subtitles: English for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing, Spanish
Special Features: Outtakes, Deleted Scenes
Audio Commentary: By director and star Marshall Cook and star Andy Dick
Division III: Football's Finest is now available from Image Entertainment.
