This DVD is offered as part of MGM's "Limited Edition Collection," which is available from select online retailers and manufactured only when the DVD is ordered. The DVD features a simple menu with no menu for chapters or scenes. Manufacture-On-Demand (MOD) DVDs are made to play in DVD playback units only and may not play in DVD recorders or PC drives. This DVD did not play in our laptop DVD drive but did play in our Toshiba DVD recorder.
DVD SPECS
ASPECT RATIO: 1.85:1 widescreen
RUNNING TIME: 86 minutes
RATING: R
AUDIO: Dolby Digital 2.0
SUBTITLES: None
SPECIAL FEATURES: Theatrical trailer
THE SET-UP
An astronaut is exposed to strange solar waves which causes his body to melt and gives him a taste for human flesh.
Directed by: William Sachs
THE DELIVERY
I decided to review the DVD release of this 1977 low-budget horror film in hopes that it would be a nice surprise, or at worst one of those "so bad it's good" movies. Instead, The Incredible Melting Man is a soul-sucking chore of a film with zero entertainment value. I am currently plotting my revenge against the filmmakers, on the chance that I might meet them one day. They will pay for wasting my time.
I'll not waste your time trying to review the merits of this film, because there aren't any. Instead, I'll try to provide my explanation for what went on in this thing. Trust me, my summary will be much more entertaining than the actual film, only because I put more than five minutes of effort into it. This film was actually lampooned by the Mystery Science Theater 3000 crew, but even their jokes couldn't entice me to see the film again.
This is not a movie about an incredible melting man. It is about Gooey Lasagna Guy. I'm getting ahead of myself, however. Before I can tell you about him, we need to cover the basics of the film. The plot, of course, is ludicrous, but the script, acting, and direction are so inept, there is not one moment of this film one can enjoy. Not even when a woman shows up and takes off her top, because she shows off the worst set of 1970s boobs I've ever seen. Not even some pervy old people and smoking seven year olds (yeah, you heard me, little kids smoke in one scene) helped the movie any.
Then there is Gooey Lasagna Guy. With makeup guru Rick Baker doing the "Melting Man," it appears he did a decent enough job, but the director seems to have wanted more, because the guy walks around the whole movie with what looks like gooey lasagna dripping off of his head. Of course, Gooey Lasagna Guy wants human flesh, so he tries to eat the first person he sees, a nurse in the hospital he is at. She takes off running, and we are treated to a shot of her running down an incredibly long hallway. In slow motion. It takes about a day and a half. Even though Gooey Lasagna Guy is nowhere to be seen, she runs through a glass door instead of just opening it. In the very next shot, however, Gooey Lasagna Guy is on her heels, and you can guess what happens next.
For some reason, the only people that know this astronaut has turned into Gooey Lasagna Guy is one doctor and an army general. They decide to keep it a secret, even when Gooey Lasagna Guy breaks out of the hospital, eats the nurse, and then proceeds to run around the southern California wilderness killing folks. The doctor runs around in the woods yelling out to Gooey Lasagna Guy that he can help him, even though he finds his ears have melted off and fallen on the ground.
Eventually, the general shows up so he can help with the search, but for some reason, spends all of his time at the doctor's house eating cold chicken. Seriously. That is OK, because Gooey Lasagna Guy just happens to show up at the doctor's house, slaps the chicken out of the general's hand, and kills him.
The doctor finally enlists the help of the police, but not after this epic exchange: "Sheriff, you can't tell anyone about this, not even your wife!" "Doc, you know I'm not married!"
There is a final shootout at a refinery, where Gooey Lasagna Guy takes about 12 shots to the chest but kills everyone. For some reason, the police officers who show up to kill Gooey Lasagna Guy also shoot and kill the doctor, probably in response to his wooden performance. Gooey Lasagna Guy then decides to finally finish melting, not 30 seconds after killing some folks. Nice timing.
Anyway, the movie ends with a janitor finding what's left of Gooey Lasagna Guy and throwing him away in a trash can. I assume he will also notice the five bodies also strewn about, but thankfully the film ends before that happens.
VIDEO AND AUDIO
The video image is not great, but it is a step above VHS quality. There is some film grain and the colors seem washed out. Audio is Dolby Digital 2.0, but sounds murky. I couldn't make out several lines, but I wasn't about to rewind it to make it out and extend my torture.
SPECIAL FEATURES
You get a trailer, which apparently convinced someone to go see this thing in 1977. What, Star Wars wasn't showing?
THE BOTTOM LINE: BUY IT OR REDBOX IT?
RATINGS
MOVIE: D
VIDEO: C
AUDIO: C-
EXTRAS: C-
OVERALL GRADE: C-
I don't understand how people smart enough to work a movie camera can make a film this stupid. What the hell. Seriously, people. WHAT. THE. HELL. I can understand MGM wanting to put this out on DVD to satisfy the horror junkies who know about this film, but unless you plan on showing this to terrorists as some sort of sick punishment, just skip it.
The Incredible Melting Man is now available via DVD-On Demand from major online retailers.
