March has always been a busy time for film. In fact, I would say that the year doesn't truly kick off UNTIL this month. Yeah, there's a couple notable releases in January and February (as shown here), but March is when the first blockbusters of the year start to hit. And well I wouldn't call Dr. Seuss' The Lorax the first blockbuster of the year, it is the first animated one. And after a two month break, I'm sure families will be itching to get back to the movies. Featuring the voice talents of Zack Efron, Ed Helms, and Danny Devito, The Lorax is based on the classic story by Dr. Seuss. Well I couldn't tell what the hell was happening in the trailer, it looks pretty which, for families, may just be enough.
Also opening March 2 is Project X, the super secret indie comedy from producer Todd Phillips. Project X is a found footage film (the trend never ends!), but the twist this time around is that it's, of course a comedy about a raging party thrown by a bunch of high school losers. Project X has been getting some pretty good buzz, but I wasn't too impressed with the first trailer. I do like the "One Crazy Night" subgenre, though, so who knows what could happen. Lastly, there's the Tommy Wirkola directed Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters. I only mention this last because, quite honestly, I'm 90% sure it's going to get pushed back. We haven't seen A THING from the film, not a trailer, poster, or even a damn image. Kinda weird for a film starring the likes of Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton and with a semi-high budget. The film is an action comedy but with that title, I don't think it will have very many fans. It better have a damn good trailer...
March 9 brings us the first high budget film of the year...in fact, it may end up having THE highest budget of the year. Disney has put a lot of stock into John Carter, hoping to cash in on the Avatar craze (which borrowed a lot from Carter's source material, the book series by Edgar Rice Burroughs). But to be quite frank, the advertising thus far has been a mess, and has done very little to convince me that the film will be that great. But I have trust in Wall-E director Andrew Stanton, and the impressive cast led by Taylor Kitsch, William Dafoe, and Bryan Cranston. It's going to be a rough road for John Carter though, and at this point, I can't help but feel the risk won't be paying off for Disney.
V for Vendetta director James McTeigue's next movie, The Raven, opens opposite John Carter. The Raven tells the fictional tale of famed author Edgar Allen Poe's last days and his hunt for a serial killer inspired by his stories. This is a pretty good premise in my opinion, and I'm curious to see how John Cusack will be playing Poe. Hopefully, it will be more Seven then From Hell. Playing the Field also opens the 19th, although not very much is known about the project at this point. What we do know is this: Gerard Butler plays a former professional athlete who tries to connect with his son by coaching his soccer team, but instead ends up sleeping with all the moms (as soccer coaches/Gerard Butler's are viable to do). Finally, we have Think Like a Man, which is based on a self help book and is about the main characters of the story...reading the self help book. Riveting stuff, I tell you! But I guess if you want to get your Chris Brown and Taraji P. Henson on, this is your best bet this season!
Opening March 16 are a fantasy family film and a buddy cop film. Both are adaptations of previous material, and both seem to deviate from the source in many ways. First off, 21 Jump Street. As some of you 80's cop show fans might know, the original 21 Jump Street starred Johnny Depp as an undercover cop who dealt with hardcore and dramatic crime impacting the youth of America. The new 21 Jump Street is just like that, but with the dude from Superbad (Jonah Hill) and dick jokes. Yup, it's another 80's TV show turned into a modern comedy. I don't know why studios do that, but it happens. To be fair, 21 Jump Street doesn't look like a horrible comedy. Just an unsatsfying and ultimately pointless one. Also, why Channing Tatum? Seriously, why? I guess the inclusion of Ron "F**king" Swanson does make this casting choice a little easier to stomach...but only a little.
Also opening March 16 is Mirror, Mirror—y'know, the other Snow White adaptation. This one has more of a family vibe then Snow White and the Huntsman, exchanging the dark fantasy with pop culture gags and strange lines from Julia Roberts as the Queen. Honestly, the fact that Immortals/The Fall director Tarsem Singh is doing this baffles me. I guess he had a mortgage to pay, or something. Hell, Mirror, Mirror doesn't even look as stylish as his previous films! He really seems to be phoning in this one. Finally, before we move on, I went to bring up a film opening in limited release; Butter. For those of you who haven't heard of it, Butter is about a butter carving competition in Iowa. Sounds boring doesn't it? Well, Butter is actually a satire of the 2008 Presidential Elections. Add Hugh Jackman and Jennifer Gardner and, hopefully, you have the recipe for a smart and clever political satire. We've been long overdue on one of those.
March 23 brings us another one of the biggest movies of the year; the film adaptation of the massively popular The Hunger Games novel. It's aimed at teens, but don't let that scare you off of it. Hell, the basic plot has a group of teens embroiled in a duel to the death in a competition where they must murder each other to survive and, eventually, win. This isn't kids stuff. There's a great movie that can be made out of The Hunger Games, and hopefully director Gary Ross can tap into that vast potential. If anything, Winter's Bone actress Jennifer Lawrence certainly fits the part of main character Katniss Everdeen. Hopefully, the other actors like Elizabeth Banks and Woody Harrelson will give justice to their roles too.
You know, there once was a time where a new Eddie Murphy movie would pique the interest of general audiences. And now, it hardly even gets a shrug. It's no secret that Murphy's star power has waned in the past decade. But it's not because the man isn't funny; it's just that he's been doing some shitty movies. A Thousand Words doesn't look to be any different. Well it doesn't look completely terrible, director Brian Robbins of Norbit and Meet Dave fame doesn't inspire much hope. The sad thing is, the plot to A Thousand Words isn't half bad! It's unique and original, and could even work as a potential drama if it wanted to. But, of course, Murphy would rather take the time to do lame slapstick. Seriously...is Eddie Murphy even trying anymore?
Closing off March 2012 is Wrath of the Titans, the sequel to the remake we got back in 2010. Clash of the Titans came off right at the height of the The Great Avatar Boom of 2010, and both 3D and Sam Worthington were hit items. Thus, Clash of the Titans grossed a lot of money, enough for a sequel at least. Despite the large gross, Clash of the Titans was apparently a very crappy movie. I didn't see it, because I didn't give a damn. So what do I have to say about the sequel, which reunites original stars Liam Neeson and Sam Worthington under the direction of Jonathan Liebesman (Battle: Los Angeles)? Umm...well, there's a lot of stabbing and CGI in the trailer. And a weird remix of "Sweet Dreams." But, uh, that's all I got.
Moving on, there's a new Aardman movie coming out! Well I know most of you are still trying to catch up on Arthur Christmas, Aardman Animation, the studio behind Wallace and Gromit & Chicken Run, already has their next set and ready to go for 2012. The Pirates! Band of Misfits is a stop motion pirate tale involving the voice talents of Hugh Grant, Salma Hayek, and David Tennant. I've personally enjoyed almost all the Aardman projects (we don't talk about Flushed Away), and I love a good pirate movie. Judging how Pirates 4 didn't scratch that itch, I'm personally hoping Band of Misfits will. The final film opening March 30 is Learning to Fly which, ironically enough, I learnt nothing about. There's a short synopsis about two moms teaming up to "make a difference" in a school, but I don't even know who the two moms are! Yeah, if I was to gander, I would say that this film is going to be pushed back too. Still, Holly Hunter, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Viola Davis—any of them piqué your interest? Sigh...yeah, me neither.
The first week of April, and the best we got is a franchise comeback? Sigh...like it or not, we're getting another American Pie movie in American Reunion. The teaser trailer for the film was pretty good, but I've never seen any of the other American Pie movies and, quite honestly, I've never had the inkling to do it. I like Jason Biggs and Alyson Hannigan just fine (and I can tolerate Sean William Scott), but I have no affinity for the rest of the actors. But like I said, I never saw the original film, so what do I know? Maybe they're the funniest actors of our time.
Here's another movie I've heard nothing about until today; The Cold Light of Day. Starring Henry Cavill, Bruce Willis, and Sigourney Weaver, The Cold Light of Day is about one son's quest to rescue his parents after they're captured in Sp—wait, Bruce Willis is the CAPTURED one? Nope, nope...moving on. Finally, we have the re-release of Titanic...this time, the boat will sink in 3D. Honestly, I don't see much reason for this re-release but if James Cameron wants it, James Cameron gets it.
April 13 brings us The Three Stooges, our most anticipated comedy of next year. Ha ha...but no, seriously, The Three Stooges. A passion project of sorts for The Farrelly Brothers, The Three Stooges doesn't look that great. Starring Sean Hayes, Chris Diamantopoulos, and Will Sasso, The Three Stooges looks like a mess that has no idea what it's doing. I'm not looking forward to this one at all, that's for sure. Also opening the 13th is Bullet to the Head, starring Sylvester Stallone and Jason Momoa. The film's about a cop and a hitman teaming up to defeat a common enemy and, while it may sound like a standard plot, I'm sure that's just the way Sly likes em.
Cabin in the Woods is the long delayed horror comedy from director Drew Goddard (who wrote Cloverfield) and producer/co-writer Joss Whedon (Everything You've Ever Loved). The film starred Chris Hemsworth in a pre-Thor role but, because of the problems at MGM, it was pushed back almost two years. But now, the film is finally ready to see the light of day. One of the problems Cabin in the Woods makes is believing that I need a plot description to see this film. I'm already sold. Finally, we have Movie 43, which has a crap load of stars, directors, and writers. Why exactly? Well, Movie 43 is an anthology film comprised of individual, comedic short films. I love anthologies and comedy, so consider me in.
April 20 is one of the biggest release days of 2012, with a whopping seven films opening wide. For the nature of time, I'm going to limit myself with a short description of each film:
- Champanzee: Monkeys? Disney? Yawn
- The House At the End of the Street: Elisabeth Shue is playing the mom of Jennifer Lawrence in a horror movie now? Wow...I need to go home and think about life and stuff.
- Lockout: Guy Pearce is cool. Prisons in space are cool. Action movies are cool...this movie may be cool.
- The Lucky One: Zac Efron playing a soldier creeper who stalks a pretty young girl? This might be somethi—oh wait, it's based on a Nicolas Spark novel. And the two fall in love at the end. Well damn it.
- Scary Movie 5: ...They're still making these?!
- Seeking a Friend for the End of the World: This post apocalyptic comedy drama starring Steve Carrell and Keira Knightley intrigues me to know end. Could end up being one of the most creative films of 2012.
- The Wettest Country: A Prohibition Era drama centered on a camp of bootleggers starring the likes of Gary Oldman, Shia LaBeouf, and Tom Hardy? And directed by the guy who brought us The Road? Sign me up!
